late night tracks

❝ Is it the little things that make me love you? Yeah, sure, it’s the little things… if by little you mean the monumental details that hold the weight of the world in the core of my soul–the major moments when I don’t expect anything significant and you do something with such care and ease that I stare at your chest knowing I’ve never seen your heart any clearer. It’s the times you’ve kissed my shoulder when no one was watching, the way you look at me when I’m hurting, and how you still answer my endless questions with patience and tact. It’s how you so often respond the exact opposite from how I expect you to, and the way you listen and talk with such transparency and grace–yeah, I love you because of those “little” moments that plant themselves deeply and daily in our story. These “little” things that sprout promising implications, screaming through the silence of my doubts–those “little” things you do–all rippling through my stillness, shattering my hesitations, and holding up my broken weary head with bold handsome hands–sure, it’s the little things that make me love you, but they’re not little at all when I’m on the front lines watching your heart unfold. These little things are massive, because if they were little at all, I wouldn’t have the honor of knowing you so thoroughly. It takes love to know when something little is actually big, you know? So, it’s the big things that make me love you, really. Don’t you see all you are to me? You are proof that life is beautiful because the evidence is constantly blooming from your soul, pouring from your mouth, gripping in your fingers, blinking in your eyes. You make our little moments rumble with color–making little moments not little at all. ❞

You laugh like you've never been lonely

I didn't do anything but school this week.  Which when people say eat, sleep, whatever, as a way to say that's all they do, actually topped that because we didn't really eat or sleep either.  I mean we ate donuts for every meal, and slept between coffees.  We laughed so hard we couldn't sit in our chairs and blasted music at 4 am and edited into the mornings. And I look back and it's like the best week of my life.

last year / first project

is butter. Specifically Land o' Lakes.  So right now everything is buttery. Fresh shaved legs. under my eyes from under eye cream. the warm air coming from my air conditioning unit.

head butter:

Happenings on the 3, cont.

This morning: waiting at stop, listening to music. I hear "excuse me miss!" I turn around. "we just wanted to let you know you a swag bunny. Anywhere you go you let em know!" I think to myself well this is awesome. He continues "whatever it is you got it baby girl you the swag bunny you let em know!" So here I am letting em know. 

Happenings on the 3, part one

- approx 8:30 am: man gets on, part homeless looking, part thug. Has no fare. Driver says no, get off. He shows her his hand, which is pouring out blood. Says he got stabbed. Driver agrees to drop him off at hospital a few blocks down. Man sits next to me. I tell him to hold his hand above his heart to stop bleeding. He questions me. I show him my hand with stitches and say "same." He puts his hand above his heart. For the rest of the ride I picture my life as a successful doctor.

-approx 8:15 am: man gets on, mid 30's, wearing bucket hat and khakis rolled up at the waist. Socks with teevas. Holds onto hand rails and begins doing yoga poses/stretching hybrid. Sign around neck reads "in loving silence, thank you for understanding." I say "you're welcome."

-approx 6:30 pm: I get on, sit down. Man gets up and comes to sit next to me. Leans in and expresses his love for me and his plans to marry me. Grabs my hand to kiss, I jerk away. Man becomes angry, moves seats next to another woman, and begins falling asleep on her shoulder. Woman gets up. Man begins yelling at her, asking if she got made fun of in high school because she has no social skills. Man gets kicked off. I picture my life married to that man. 

- approx 6 pm: I get on, before I sit down middle aged Vietnamese man in Air Force jacket and hat pushes a quarter into my hand. Says loudly in broken English: "this is happy quarter I save for you. Don't lose, very rare, on back is 100 horses." The back of the quarter is from Nashville, Tennessee. I'm confused, the rest of the bus probably thinks I know the guy. I hold onto the quarter and thank him. He comes to sit behind me and begins describing his jewelry to me. "This one spiritual, I praying for you. This one lucky, I pray for you." I just keep saying thank you, not sure how else to respond. Man gets off bus.  20 minutes later I see him again at my stop. He asks if I'll go see a movie with him. I say no thank you.