I noticed on somewhere like linked in it said I've been at my current job for 8 months. It says August-present (8 months). It felt like that was a long time. Even though it's not, really (aren't you supposed to work for 30 years before you retire?) it just put into perspective how in 4 more months it will have been a year, and then one year before that I was still in school. I was still a clean slate, in a way, un-phased by the real world. Sure, I had my share of screwing up, awkward confrontations, etc. But it was always "safe." I was still "just" an undergrad or still "almost legal." There was always that promise that I would be better, do it right next time around, get to start for real this time. That something of a milestone was coming up next, like turning 16 or 18 or 21 and I would be different. Improved.
Then I graduated college and finally, I've started for real this time. And I'm like wait, this is it? I've already started? And Linkedin is like yep! 8 months in!
I feel unfinished. Sometimes I still feel 14, yet to get my braces off. Yet to make my own decisions. Waiting for someone (who?) to tell me what to do. And then I feel 22 and I feel all the decisions I've made. I feel all the marks on my slate. But I don't want them to be there yet I just put them there because I didn't realize it was for real this time. I feel responsible for myself.
IT'S SCARY OUT HERE
