Ok this is about to be really cliche. But I really miss a Saturday where there is nowhere to be. No alarms, no 3 o'clock meetings, no I have to go pick up these things at this place before this time(s). I'm not reminiscing a Saturday in particular; I don't even remember the last time I had this kind of Saturday. Maybe I've never had one, and I just like thought of it. I like the thought of sleeping in carelessly and getting out of bed just because I feel like it. I want to decide what to wear not based on what I'm doing that day, but decide what to do based on what I want to wear. I want to listen to the On and On album in its entirety while I get ready for the day. and i want getting ready for the day to mean cooking breakfast and feeling out which shoes do best to the clothes i'm wearing. I hope it takes forever. With maybe two minutes to put on some really good mascara. Since i have nowhere to go, I would then decide to go somewhere. then not go. the bliss of it.
Okay so two hours later I would get restless not having done anything all day, and what, it's probably already 2 or 3 in the afternoon by this point, so I'd quick think of that thing i saved for some Saturday I'd have some free time, and do it. it'd probably be boring like bringing my car to get inspected or picking up some dental floss at the store.
I'll just have to remember next time to try harder to have a completely non-existent, entirely too long nowhere-to-go Saturday. next time.
Monday
Wednesday
i think i have some Ramadan in me
on NPR today, they were in Pakistan interviewing people about Ramadan. One man who owned a restaurant was asked whether it was hard to be hungry and go the whole day preparing food. What a dumb question. He said no, that it felt good. The interviewer asked what it felt like, and he said it felt refreshing, like your whole body was being cleansed.
i usually love snacking and eating all day, but sometimes when i go the whole day without eating, i feel exactly like this guy. in a spiritual way, too, not even in an anorexic way. it's like I'm too focused on the day God has given me to worry about food. i feel thankful and blessed to have a life that I don't always have to think about food (which is definitely an american thing). i also think about people starving in other countries and hope that all this time i wasn't eating, they found something to eat. NPR, i appreciate Muslim tradition more now. Thank you, Pakistani man for putting things in perspective. Amen
i usually love snacking and eating all day, but sometimes when i go the whole day without eating, i feel exactly like this guy. in a spiritual way, too, not even in an anorexic way. it's like I'm too focused on the day God has given me to worry about food. i feel thankful and blessed to have a life that I don't always have to think about food (which is definitely an american thing). i also think about people starving in other countries and hope that all this time i wasn't eating, they found something to eat. NPR, i appreciate Muslim tradition more now. Thank you, Pakistani man for putting things in perspective. Amen
really, no subject
i had one of those really fabulous days when your hair is doing something good, your skin is glowing like an expectant mother, you have on a really, really perfect outfit, and an excellent jacket to publish your look.
i wanted to write about it to express my contempt for this kind of day. after studying this kind of day all day, I've concluded a few things: this kind of day cannot be created. it just happens. it's one of those days that begins forming its beautiful, bitchy self in the middle of the night because even early on, it knows two things: its going to make an appearance (rare), and its going to make sure you do absolutely nothing that day so that nobody else gets to envy your day. What a waste. i didn't see anyone useful today. i didn't even go anywhere besides some hidden field in Cary to pick up my little brother from baseball. this day also made sure that there were no cute older brothers also picking their little brothers up from baseball. I mean, i felt like Santa Monica today. If i were determined enough to book a flight this morning, just so I could be in California on my "day," would it have happened? or would my day have found some way to lock me up in my house to make sure only I could witness the relieving equilibrium of my appearance? i can't believe how much i'm complaining. must be pms. i hope it doesn't hear me getting angry. i want it to come around again.
Ice cream is always a good idea
Sometimes i skip self checkout at the grocery store just so i get this one girl who has an eating disorder to ring me up. She longingly eyes the carton of ice cream I'm buying and we exchange awkward glances and i kind of smile so she kind of does, too. I always hope it gets her to crave some so she'll go eat a quart one night. it sounds really mean, but she always looks like she's in so much pain. So yesterday while i was giving her a 5 and she was counting out my $1.48 in change, she wouldn't make eye contact but stopped what she was doing and said, "I saw you got this kind last time, so I tried it and I'm never going back to vanilla." she looked up, this time easily, and we laughed. I left satisfied that my ice cream got that girl to want to have some ice cream herself.
MASC LAB
http://www.newsobserver.com/2010/06/14/531515/on-the-hunt-for-life-in-an-oil.html
So this is pretty cool because these guys are really smart and interesting and i get to help with their project. luke is probably one of the more normal guys in the lab. i think that because we both think wearing lab coats make us look important and scientific haha. keep up the good work, luke.
So this is pretty cool because these guys are really smart and interesting and i get to help with their project. luke is probably one of the more normal guys in the lab. i think that because we both think wearing lab coats make us look important and scientific haha. keep up the good work, luke.
On the email list
The place you go to get a last minute cocktail dress. sure to be a quick find. Cheap and comfortable, and still look good. one of those places where if you know your size, you know it'll fit. I'm one of those people who always gives the saleswoman my email address when i could just as easily..not. So i get these email blasts every once in a while from White House Black Market. and their ads are always having something to do with their "little black book" tagline. which they think is so original and clever. i don't think it's that clever and it always makes me think of that Brittany Murphy movie. However, this one came up today and the model made me stop and look. She's glamorous and laid-back, and i envy her great outfit.
utterly terrifying or strikingly fabulous?
ralph romance
"I'm not Holly. I'm not Lula Mae, either. I don't know who I am! I'm like cat here, a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other."- Breakfast at Tiffany's
25 things i love [hate]
1. Mike Posner. [his rising popularity]
2. the first bite of a muffin. [the first bite of a frosting-laden cupcake]
3. waking up to the sun in my eyes. [waking up tired]
4. iPods. [Low Battery: 10%]
5. realizing you have a best friend. [realizing you have a bad friend]
6. jackets jackets jackets
7. loving every lyric while listening to a song. [knowing every lyric is true]
8. shower-fresh. [showers when you’re so tired all you want to do is go to sleep]
9. finishing a paper. [starting a paper]
10. laptops. [outdated software]
11. going out to eat. [not having anything to do afterward]
12. Leaving the sun-roof open. [leaving the sun-roof open when it rains]
13. football games. [also nothing to hate]
14. charging a near-dead phone. [not having a charger for a near-dead phone]
15. funny people. [the movie]
16. Good deals at BJs. [BJs]
17. Driving with the windows down. [not having air conditioning in 96 degree heat]
18. waterproof mascara. [spider lashes]
19. Toast with butter. [not having enough butter to spread across the whole piece of toast.]
20. Getting a job. [Week 2 and a half]
21. Cheetos. [Doritos]
22. NPR. [Diane Reem]
23. thunder. [rain on my parade]
24. surprises. [a surprise party where the person isn’t surprised.]
25. bringing lollipops to bribe a 6 and under. [when the swimmer says he doesn’t like lollipops.]
2. the first bite of a muffin. [the first bite of a frosting-laden cupcake]
3. waking up to the sun in my eyes. [waking up tired]
4. iPods. [Low Battery: 10%]
5. realizing you have a best friend. [realizing you have a bad friend]
6. jackets jackets jackets
7. loving every lyric while listening to a song. [knowing every lyric is true]
8. shower-fresh. [showers when you’re so tired all you want to do is go to sleep]
9. finishing a paper. [starting a paper]
10. laptops. [outdated software]
11. going out to eat. [not having anything to do afterward]
12. Leaving the sun-roof open. [leaving the sun-roof open when it rains]
13. football games. [also nothing to hate]
14. charging a near-dead phone. [not having a charger for a near-dead phone]
15. funny people. [the movie]
16. Good deals at BJs. [BJs]
17. Driving with the windows down. [not having air conditioning in 96 degree heat]
18. waterproof mascara. [spider lashes]
19. Toast with butter. [not having enough butter to spread across the whole piece of toast.]
20. Getting a job. [Week 2 and a half]
21. Cheetos. [Doritos]
22. NPR. [Diane Reem]
23. thunder. [rain on my parade]
24. surprises. [a surprise party where the person isn’t surprised.]
25. bringing lollipops to bribe a 6 and under. [when the swimmer says he doesn’t like lollipops.]
Indecisiveness..i think
So this blog was supposed to be for a class. i've already opened a tumblr, so now I'm still trying to decide if i like this or tumblr. kind of like deciding a major. this one's good, but i could do more with the other...the teetering between the two seems endless. and just when i'm sure i've picked the right one.. i fall for something about the other. this happens with a lot of things in my life, not just majors. for instance, ice cream flavors.
..gosh i love chocolate, i always get chocolate, i'm never unhappy with chocolatey bliss on my tongue. but mango? now the fruity explosion from the sample spoon is seducing me into choosing mango.
or radio stations.
...it's saturday afternoon, the sun is shining, the windows are down, it's totally a dave matthews on g105 kind of moment. but i've made the mistake of pressing the pre-set for k97.5 hip hop and the kanye/lil wayne mash-up i've been waiting to hear all day is on. how can i thump out to lil wayne's weezing vocals on a day like this? it feels like i'm watching BET music videos with the kids i'm babysitting.
sometimes i struggle with hairstyles, too.
..ok you want his attention, hair down, no question. but the earrings you wanted to wear drown in the dark curtains of hair if you don't pull your hair back into a cute half-up-half-down thing. do you want to show off your hair or the earrings? it kind of looks good pulled back, too, so you can't decide. hell it looks good both ways, so now its whether you want to get his attention or not. would he like these earrings? i thought guys don't notice that kind of thing. why do people wear earrings anyway?
indecisiveness is frustrating, alluring, unsatisfying. i think its such an issue for me not because i care what someone else thinks (disregard the guy/earring note) but because i care what i would think. would the me post-decision look at myself ashamed saying, wow never thought you'd actually choose that side. or would it shake its head all-knowing after realizing it was the wrong choice saying, you shouldn't have done that. i think i've become less brave since i was younger. it takes courage to make decisions, and lately, i've found myself looking down at my feet thinking, i don't want to take the next step. i don't even know what that step would be. i literally have said, i don't want to think about it right now! but if i keep saying that, when do i think about it? how will i make a decision and escape the black hole of indecisiveness?
that leap of faith is what i haven't had the courage to do. leaping into the uncertainty that comes with putting all your faith in one choice and not the other. knowing that you can't forever enjoy the comfort of having both options open. this has gotten too deep for how this post began. here's to making decisions! Chocolate it is!
..gosh i love chocolate, i always get chocolate, i'm never unhappy with chocolatey bliss on my tongue. but mango? now the fruity explosion from the sample spoon is seducing me into choosing mango.
or radio stations.
...it's saturday afternoon, the sun is shining, the windows are down, it's totally a dave matthews on g105 kind of moment. but i've made the mistake of pressing the pre-set for k97.5 hip hop and the kanye/lil wayne mash-up i've been waiting to hear all day is on. how can i thump out to lil wayne's weezing vocals on a day like this? it feels like i'm watching BET music videos with the kids i'm babysitting.
sometimes i struggle with hairstyles, too.
..ok you want his attention, hair down, no question. but the earrings you wanted to wear drown in the dark curtains of hair if you don't pull your hair back into a cute half-up-half-down thing. do you want to show off your hair or the earrings? it kind of looks good pulled back, too, so you can't decide. hell it looks good both ways, so now its whether you want to get his attention or not. would he like these earrings? i thought guys don't notice that kind of thing. why do people wear earrings anyway?
indecisiveness is frustrating, alluring, unsatisfying. i think its such an issue for me not because i care what someone else thinks (disregard the guy/earring note) but because i care what i would think. would the me post-decision look at myself ashamed saying, wow never thought you'd actually choose that side. or would it shake its head all-knowing after realizing it was the wrong choice saying, you shouldn't have done that. i think i've become less brave since i was younger. it takes courage to make decisions, and lately, i've found myself looking down at my feet thinking, i don't want to take the next step. i don't even know what that step would be. i literally have said, i don't want to think about it right now! but if i keep saying that, when do i think about it? how will i make a decision and escape the black hole of indecisiveness?
that leap of faith is what i haven't had the courage to do. leaping into the uncertainty that comes with putting all your faith in one choice and not the other. knowing that you can't forever enjoy the comfort of having both options open. this has gotten too deep for how this post began. here's to making decisions! Chocolate it is!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)