I wrote this over fall break. I thought id read it later, be frustrated and edit it, but now coming back to it, i don't think i will.
Dear cara,
thank you.
i love you.
I've said i love you to my parents when I would leave for school for the day. To my grandparents in a thank-you letter after piles of Christmas presents had been opened. To my brothers when I'd leave for a sleepover for the night. To boys over text messages in the heat of it all. But saying it to a best friend is something so different, feels so much more trusted and safe. it feels like i don't even have to say it to you, because i know you know, and that's enough. it's like having your soul in someone else's body, and we share this greater understanding of everything that doesn't need explanation to be understood.
ok this is going to sound like a love letter (which i guess it kind of is, in a weird way) but I hope you know how much i love you and how much im thankful for you. I can't imagine my life without you. Not only because I have no idea how people survive without that somebody that understands and shares every single way about them and about people and about life. or not only because i have no idea how I could have as much fun with you as i could with anybody else (definitely a fact.) or not only because we've already spent the better part of growing up together so.. why not.. seems normal now anyway. i can't imagine it because a few weeks ago, when i physically didn't know how i was going to get through the next day-- much less the next minute-- you pushed me through. you were there to get me through all those moments. I feel like you saved my life just by holding me up enough so i could keep going. You visited (yea it was convenient because i happened to fall apart right exactly on your fall break) and you brought me food that in no way would make things okay, but seemed to make all the difference. you spent all day with me knowing i couldn't be the friend that makes up the other part of cara and shannon, but were there anyway. you sat motionless with me in bed as i fell asleep at ten thirty on the last night of your fall break just to remind me you were there. Thank you so much. That's all i know how to tell you. Thank you and love you.
love,
shan
