Thursday

What in the world could it be this time now? i thought that i could make it a day without my heavy heart

sometimes i feel like this song in a sad way, and sometimes in a happy way. a good song can do that, can mold itself to hold your heart the way you want it to. it wraps its thick sweater around your shoulders to comfort you in just the way you need.

i have a good friend brian. we used to think we loved each other. we were in high school, so that stuff's never supposed to mean anything, but i think we still do. not in an oh my god i have to marry you kind of way, but in a i'll always be there for you kind of way. we've gone months without talking, and weeks without a day we didn't talk. and it never feels guilty, or used, or last-resort when we finally catch back up. it's just- hey, what have you been up to all this time. and it's familiar again. i don't get butterflies when i think of him, or wait anxiously for his text. when we kiss, its warm and strong, not fiery and passionate. when we hug, its safe. when we laugh, its easy. refreshing. i don't get jealous when he talks about his girls, but i secretly wish they weren't so pretty. he doesn't get jealous if i say something about a past relationship, but i can tell he cringes inside. i want to look good for him, but not as if i want to impress him. just like i feel like he deserves it. he's the kind of guy who cares about people. he treats girls like people, not tally marks. and then when he starts showing his reckless boyish, wanna-get-some-tonight side, you can't help but smile. he's a sweet mug of hot chocolate, the startling cold your bare hands feel when they catch a football on a crisp fall day, the way a good song sounds on your car stereo when you turn the bass all the way down and the volume all the way up. i'm happy to know him.

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight...