I like the way this is going

1. I really like the new Blogger layout

I had so much fun yesterday. I think it was because I didn't really expect for the day to be particularly good or bad, so I ended up with a nice ride. I could tell you that I had honey bunches of oats for breakfast or that I had all my homework done for class (woah), but then I'd be like, skipping the really fun part. Ooh yes the part when I'm done with work and classes and running for the day and my curly blonde boy comes over to visit. We talked on my floor and ate cold pizza and went to the Varsity for a late movie and held hands the whole time.  But not like boring hold hands like half hold hands kind of like if our hands were little birds that play with each other and make out a lot. Can birds make out? Idk, but I like holding his hand. And he looked soo good in his jeans. Always gets me. He went back around midnight and I fell right into bed and fell asleep. And woke up to a text from him from an hour after he left the night before.

"Love you"

Things we're going to do over break

This has been my jam today, so play this baby for some good lyrics and good guitar melody. 

Paint Candy-cane nails 

Make bow-back t shirts and wear them with ponytails around Cary.

Buy chunky sweaters from Goodwill and chop off the sleeves. 

Then wear them with boots and pretend they're leg warmers. 

Make pretty bracelets? 

I haven't been wearing any lately and I miss having wrists full of them. 

MISS YOU CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YAAA

Face down

My face has been having a hard time lately, and since my dermatologist creams have seemed to be having reverse effects, I've been avoiding doing anything and just washing my face with steaming water and sensitive-skin soap, then smothering my face in moisturizer and makeup everyday.  We have good days. But then we have bad days. So here are some non-$60 treatments I might try.

For this one you need flavor-less gelatin and milk. I guess it works the same as a Biore pore strip. Which I've never tried. Because they do indeed go for out of my college-girl budget.
http://petitelefant.com/how-to-pore-strips/

I was attracted to this one because it has 15 (a lot) simple, straightforward things to do with food you have lying around. Ok jokes- there's nothing more than some stale pretzels lying around my pantry. Going to need to hit up the HT for these. 15 and 13 sound good for my face.
http://inspiringpretty.com/2011/02/25/15-natural-beauty-recipes-using-everyday-foods/

How you want it to be, sittin' by the waterfront. I should be driftin, far enough to reach the shore. It's a clear view, don't you underestimate me. No more flavor, I know that I can live without it

I ditched my regular route today and ran loops around Alderman community because it smelled like warm waffle cones. Yum I didn't want to stop smelling it. I ran for an hour, which, at my pace, is like, 6 miles, but I'm pretty sure I was going pretty slow again.  Gettin good feelings in this beautiful Indian summer weather we're having.  Wearing a big chunky brown Target sweater today and I'm soo comfortable because the sleeves are soo looong! yumm #bestthings.
Here's to:
All that up there,
Watching the football game at the bar tonight,
Working the UNC diving meet tomorrow at 6 a.m. for the littlest bro because he needs me to and I just adore my lil baby bo so much!
Delta sig parent's cocktail tomorrow night with B (yaaayy needa dress! File under: times I wish I were actually friends with Blake Lively that don't count as all the other times.)
Eve Carson 5K Saturday morning (IT'S HERE Finally I'm so excited)
(Which means I had to say no to Sig Ep mountain weekend this weekend.... damn. But I won't pout about it.)
State football game Saturday afternoon with B's parents. -His stepdad got me a ticket (!!! So nice!) -
Working my ass off this week and finally, after seeing it in perspective, proud and happy for myself. Don't give up Shan!
Ha i'm so lame.
Ooooh and payday tomorrow, need it.

After a less than blissful day, I am going to sleep happy. How does that happen? I really don't know the psychological reasoning behind this anomaly but I could give you my best guess:
Ah i keep erasing I can't even explain it. Just a good friend and a good 2 hours of laughing. There. explained.  Thanks A.

when advil isn't working

Yesterday was fun. Productive, calm, enjoyable, happy. Weather was beautiful for my run. Went for a whole hour running slowly and it felt so good. But I've never been as tired and discouraged as I am today. My throat is hot and my mouth tastes bad. My whole body aches and my head is pounding. I definitely have a fever. I'm tired of girls who think the world is out to get them. I'm tired of people who are too insecure for confrontations. And of people who don't know how to express themselves without being a royal bitch. I'm tired of girls that think they're better than other girls.  I'm tired of sticking up for the girls who don't know how to stick up for themselves.  I'm tired of being friends with people no one else likes. I'm tired of girls talking behind my back. I'm tired of knowing it and not saying anything about it. I'm tired of wondering what is so wrong with me that girls don't like me. I'm tired of getting so sensitive about it.  And tired of not doing anything about it. I miss my scattered, colorful room. I can't stand bare desk tops and a floor without all my shoes laid out all over it.  I miss mashing all my clothes together into my drawers. I miss my mom doing my laundry for me. I miss being able to put things on my wall without getting made fun of. I sound like a third grader. But it's probably because I feel like one.

"The less confident you are, the more serious you have to act." 

-Tara Ploughman

Ojai, California and My Morning Jacket

I haven't been here in so long! 

So that was NOT the song i was thinking of. I couldn't listen to it at the time because I didn't bring my headphones and i was in a quiet place. So wrong guess there. 

And I couldn't find the My morning jacket song I wanted. So now you get a lil Coconut Records. 

Does go nicely with the Ojai/west coast theme, i must say. 

I want to share this new artist I found. I mean she's not new but I just found her. Her name's Sandy Wolk, and I can't find out anything about her online, but somehow feel like I know her already so well. Just through her sculpture. This one's called Coming home to myself: I like it because a lot of similar sculptors do this style but make one called "lovers" or "lovers' embrace" or "man and wife." 

This one is just her. Whoever she is. This piece captures what it feels like when you "come home to yourself." That feeling when you're in total acceptance and love with yourself. Not in a narcissistic way. In a gratefulness way. Like in that moment, you're grateful for everything. I love feeling like that.

I also like this one, by Richard Matzkin. He does a lot of stuff with aging and naturalism.

"I have an endless fascination for the human figure; the beauty and grace of its form and the power of its gesture to evoke response. I am interested in the provocation of gesture as it relates to the paradox and contradictions of what it means to be human and the challenge of finding visual forms to hold emotion and the narrative of experience. There is a universal quality in the image of the human figure, part of the thread of humanity that we recognize and makes us feel less alone." -Patricia Post, Santa Barbara Studio Artists

I found these guys at Ojai Studio Artists dot org. 

Can't hurt

Found this from that fall.. These frustrating days seem so trivial compared to those, 

but I figure re-visiting this little list can't hurt.

drink coffee. haha definitely will work for C and me.

Ever had that feeling like you're standing there and you can't really see anything, just the blurry shapes and then all the fog clears up?
Or like you've been sitting in a cold classroom and you walk outside in the sun and it feels so good on your skin?
Or like after you've been cleaning your room forever and organizing every drawer, and you finally finish and sit on your bed you just made and look around for a second.

Changing my major... Relief. 

That's kind of how I feel right now. I feel like I'm finally here. I feel the fit. The drive. The satisfaction of knowing it's right. I don't care that it's taken me 2 and a half years to get here. It's like it doesn't matter because everything for now is so clear to me, I don't need to rely on anyone else's opinions to move forward.

It's like it's my own road and all the speed bumps and distracting billboards are behind me.

Sweat it all out

Now I'm no track team girl, but my little nightly 3 milers make me feel like one sometimes. 

Only when I wear matching Nike dry-fit things from Dicks, though. 

Which is about once a week because I only have two. 

So this is for you, Day. 

While I sit here after my run and drink the milkshake I got because you were so annoying.  

Ok day you, win. Good God, I want a milkshake for that one.

This morning started as, there must be a God, and he's gracing me with his miraculous ways.  By about 6 p.m., it was all, if there is a God, he's out to get me, wtf did I do to deserve this one. This one? no. This too-many-to-count because this whole day ultimately feels like a disgusting bowl of chili that's too cold to eat so it just sits in the bowl because no one wants it and gets crunchy around the edges. I don't even  know how it's possible to feel like that specific thing, but it's pretty much how I feel right now. Halloween last night. Reluctantly went out. Woke up in my bed in nurse scrubs the next morning without a wallet and keys. Tore my room apart looking for them. Gave up, disgustedly accepted I would be making my rounds to various strangers' apartments/frat houses as a one-man girl search-party in desperation for a tiny wallet with MY KEYS attached to it. Car keys are expensive. On my way to work decide I need some water so I stop by my sorority house for one. On my way out with my water, see my wallet and MY KEYS sitting on the coffee table. It wasn't real life. But I was glad it was. That was the only good thing that happened. Everything else was so bad I actually found myself crying in public. One of those times you wish you had a box to put over your head . Or at least a  reason to be crying. I am so embarrassing. Mood swings? I dont know. I never understood those anyways. Maybe I'm seasonally depressed. I do dread the cold weather. And sweaters are itchy to me and I have too many of them to fit in my closet and it annoys me. Also in the winter I wake up with a crack in my lips because they get so chapped and it hurts for the rest of the day. Seasonally depressed. Sure, yeah, that. Depression sounds a little melo-dramatic. Who knows. Now I'm sitting here actually looking forward to my three-hour 8 a.m. tomorrow morning. Ugh so excited my head hurts. Probably because tomorrow is something besides today. Or because my teacher's cute. Yeah, that. Bring it, Wednesday. I am probably so not ready for you, but I will pretend like I am for now.