Have you ever lost track of how many chocolate things you've eaten in one day?
Have you ever truly been chocolate wasted?
And if the answers are all yes, have you ever regretted it?
I am about 63 pounds happier and don't think my stomach has ever gone to such stretches as it did this weekend in Perugia for euro chocolate festival 2012. I just want to give a big THANK YOU to my wardrobe team for picking out an elastic skirt and oversized long-sleeves to wear that morning, because while the stretchy outfit was unintentional it was totally the smartest thing ever because chocolate baby is overdue. And now I can't even look at my skinny little Citizens, much less fit into them, no I'm not planning on even trying. I'm kind of exaggerating but.. kind of not. So leggings- I'm looking at you. Dazzle me. Or at least give me something to wear.
1. The Leggings that Look Like Pants but are Leggings
Are ingenious. Find the seams and tailoring of your skinny jeans without the sitting down part where you have to kind of slouch with your butt on the edge of your seat and your legs as straight out as possible because they're too tight. And without looking like you're on your way to dance practice. I like black because I don't have black pants, but these are hot and would look great with all the fur vests I have. ..Just kidding I wish I even had fur vests to say that about but they're under a hundred at Free People and should be worn with highly contrasting textures like fur or gauze or wool to avoid giving anyone the slightest idea that you actually think these are real pants.
2. Leggings that Look Less Like Pants but Still Kinda Look like pants but No Button or Zipper
Or denim seams that leave a long seam imprint down your thigh when you peel them off. And they're stonewashed, like everything should be. These are Calzedonia, which are everywhere here (and have cute youtube commercials) so maybe you'll have to find an American equivalent on your own. Or I can do that for you. (And they're on sale! I'm so good to you.) Warning: these guys are so comfortable you won't be able to stop rolling around on the carpet in them and might be late for class. P.s. guys can be used in more than one way there if you want.
3. The Be Girly Without Having to Be Girly
in black lace. So FP wanted to go ahead and do it again with the oversized tee as a dress look and I couldn't think more highly of it. What better cure for the post chocolate festival chub sickness (it's a sickness, I swear) than the oversized tee as a dress look? But the leggings are the star of this look here, and your winning numbers? $36 and .64. They're sheer so they may not be a complete substitute for your pants that wont button anymore, but I think I said they were only $36.64.. Oh, yeah, yep yes I did. And verbally compared it to winning the lottery.
4. Fake Leather, Original Gangsta
Wearing fake leather is like being Lana del Rey. People might make fun of you, but you are so awkwardly glamorous and badass, it really doesn't matter. If you don't know how to be glamorous and badass, it's really easy and addicting. I'll teach you. 1. Get these here 2. When they come in the mail (because you probably don't have three Zaras down the street from you if you don't live in Florence) lay on your floor while you put them on and play Ride. 3. Get up and put your sunglasses on before you walk out of your room. And continue to wear them around the apartment. When people ask you what's wrong, keep a straight face and respond "nothing." If you ruin it and start laughing, just tilt your head to the sky and spread your arms out and say something hipster like, ~don't be a tourist, be a traveler.~ And no one will question you again.
These are also Calzedonia, but doesn't matter because they're just gray and plain and perfect. Let's just be sure to take a second to pledge that we won't pair them with a sweatshirt and/or Uggs. There are too many pretty studs and hot-to-the-touch leather out there in Fall 2012 shoe land to ever go back to Uggs, and if you feel so choco-fat that you put on a sweatshirt with your leggings.. you need to get back in your underwear and back into bed. That's just cheating so try a big tank from this summer and a jean jacket instead. No one will know that there isn't anything ab-like or skinny under there. That's the difference between the sweatshirt and the actually-got-dressed-this-morning.
So when you
